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All or Nothing

We are all aware of the fact that we are only an individual in a world containing fuck-knows-how-many others, but how often is it that we want more?
We all know that we're entitled to just our little slice, but have you ever wished you could have more? Even have it all? Sometimes one thing, or person, can feel like everything.

The Controller

Is it a deep-rooted or hardwired human urge to control others? I wouldn't know as I've rarely ever felt it.
I've always seen myself as more of a good solider, not a leader. We have to stand out in the crowd somehow and I guess my lack of desire to lead is one of my defining traits.

Leading and controlling are two different things though; when you are trying to help someone, try to lead them. Control is never appreciated.

Sunshine In Fall

I can't forget you, because I still feel like an asshole for hurting you.
Only recently have I realised just how much I miss you, heck, even just your company.
Don't doubt that you were good enough for me - you always were.

I'll agree that we all need to move on, but I just wish it wasn't without you somewhere in my life - even as an observer, the comfort I take in knowing you're there looking out for me is all I need to keep me going.

Even though I feel terrible about it, I don't want to forget you - why are you so eager to forget about me?

I'm genuinely sorry. I couldn't be more open with you.
I just hope that someday you'll find this and realise that while I wasn't the one who got hurt, you're not the only one to come out of this sore. I apologise if that sounds selfish but it's how I feel.

The bottom line here is;
I miss you.

Right Makes Might

As people, we live our lives by what we believe is wrong or right. We make choices based on our moral perception of the world and what we believe will do good to a just cause.

One of the major disadvantages of being human is that we are so intelligent and have the power to reason with not only other people, but ourselves. We can choose to justify the means so that we believe we're doing the right thing, but when it reaches the end we can see just how wrong we really were.

Factoring Time

Human beings are controlled by a myriad of natural forces in all that they do, but it can be said with conviction that the only factor that affects absolutely everything in life is the concept of time.

Time is unstoppable, uncontrollable; it only flows in one way, never stopping, never slowing. The manipulation of time is a fantasy reserved for the weavings of science fiction writers and the imaginations of the perpetually troubled. Of course, the desire to control the flow of the ages is natural and deep-rooted in human psychology. All of us wish we could do at least one thing differently at some point in our lives, maybe we just haven't reached that point yet.

The restrictions that time places on our actions are undeniable; they have arguably the most influence on the outcome of anything that we do and to attempt to extend them will only have one result - failure. The one who plays with time will find that, like playing with fire, all that will come out of it is pain and misery.

However, time is not exclusively negative - it can propel us to unimaginable feats of bravery, impossible displays of skill. It can inspire us to do something with our otherwise meaningless existences. Time is what makes us who we are. Never seek to betray it - you will only anger it.

Speaking For The Majority

Recently I've been involved in a lot of debates on the morality and ethics of smoking cigarettes and have tried increasingly hard to defend my habit. The problem with the 'anti-smokers' as they are often labelled, and will be referred to in this blog post, is that they believe they speak for the entire non-smoking population. The conviction of many anti-smokers is that there are only two sides to this argument, that it is in plain black and white writing on the wall. This is, to put it bluntly, bullshit.

I know many people who do not smoke - most of my friends choose not to. None of them are violently anti-smoking, they just choose not to do it. I also know several smokers who wish they could stop and are in favour of the smoking ban put in place by the Government on July 1st, 2007 (the ban dictates that one, by law, cannot smoke in any enclosed public space). There are also smokers who smoke for enjoyment and are passive about it - they don't act like assholes to non-smokers and they respect the law. This is the category I like to think of myself as falling into.

Of course, there will always be smokers who are complete idiots about it; I've met a few in my life and I didn't like them one bit. However, anti-smokers feel that it is right to blanket all smokers, or at the very least most of us, under this category. Now excuse me for the informality and use of the vernacular here, but fuck off. I am not one of those people and I hope I never become one. If I smoke outside, I make sure I do it somewhere secluded so that non-smokers need not have to endure my fiery secondhand smoke of death.


Also, British anti-smokers; I often hear you citing the fact that we cost the NHS £1.7 billion a year. Sure, okay, I'll admit that this is indeed true. However, rather than think about what we're doing, stop and look at the bigger picture for a second - that massive pricetag on packs of cigarettes is there for a reason. Every year, the smoking tax raises £12 billion - that's just over a 1:6 ratio, statistics lovers!
Now think further forward to an outright ban on all smoking. How much would your income tax rise to make up for the dip in taxes caused by the removal of cigarettes? I'll leave you with that thought.

A Noose Around My Neck

Now that school is over for good, I can finally see what everyone meant when they said real life is so much harder.

I always liked to think I was kind-of mature for realising how much harder the big, wide world would be once I left education but I realise now that I still had a naivity about the whole process. Don't get me wrong, I never said that education was harder than being an adult but it's still a slight kick in the balls.

I have thoughts running through my head, thoughts like 'What if I never make it where I want to go?' and 'How badly will I fuck THIS up?' My brain is basically just a giant clusterfuck of doubts right now and the pressure is on me to find a full-time job to make money while I write voluntary videogame reviews to build up my portfolio.

The plan is simple in concept but the execution may be harder than my idealistic head would lead me to believe - I get a full-time job while living at home, while writing free reviews for the website I'm helping work on. This will allow me to build up a bursting portfolio expressing my journalistic excellence so that I won't even need a degree for a job.

Of course, this is all just my trademark idealism and I have no idea how the future, and life itself, will treat me in the years ahead of me. For now, I'm just taking it one cigarette at a time.